new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
