He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
