What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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