Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
