and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
