When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
