lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
