I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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