hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
