Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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