I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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