so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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