am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
