His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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