Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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