so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
