I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
