There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's blow job season.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
