the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
