the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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