I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
