Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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