He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
