end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize