Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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