Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
