Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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