im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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