Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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