the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
