If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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