You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
