so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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