I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize