im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
