He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
