anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize