I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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