Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
