I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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