I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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