Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
