Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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