I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
