I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hippo gnu deer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize