she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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