This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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