either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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