He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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