Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
