I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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