I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize