were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
