I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
