dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
