she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
