No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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