Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
where does the pee come out of this thing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this is an emotional support booty call
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
