dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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