I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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