I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
