Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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