Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
