I'm so fucking centered right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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