I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
