he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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