He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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