It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
