called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
