Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
