I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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