How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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