You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
