I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
