Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
