Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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