Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize