I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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