it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
