he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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