Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
