Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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