she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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