wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
