hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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