when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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