Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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