Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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