I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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