Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
