i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
