I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thus making me awesome and them whores
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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