Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
