My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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