U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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